Hi, I’m Rachel. I’ve always been a dreamer but early on, I learned that dreaming and being “different” aren’t always accepted and supported by others. Since I can remember, I had a feeling I didn’t quite fit in so I slowly began shoving my true self deeper inside to hide the part of me I discovered early on from the world that it didn’t want and only exposing the parts that were accepted.

This created so much turmoil inside of me. My inward screams covered with an outward smile. This turmoil blurred my vision and affected my decision making. As much as I tried to show I was a confident and happy person, I now realize it cost me so much. I went through life surviving, never happy with myself and never thinking I was enough. This also lead me to not stand up for myself and to be attracted to the type who could have explosive love and care for me, but that same explosiveness would also show up at the other end of the spectrum which I later discovered was abuse. This is how I lived most of my life until I couldn’t anymore.

After years of repressing, I finally broke. Without the true empathetic support I needed at that time. The kind you can trust to tell your truths to, I fell back into living how others thought I should. Some had already turned their backs on me for breaking and I couldn’t have everyone do that, even if those relationships weren’t authentic.  I knew something had to change and soon. I couldn’t keep this up or it wouldn’t be long before I broke again. So, I slowly began making decisions to get me out of the space that was pulling me down and holding me captive and many judged and hated me for it.